Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: YUM!

 
Tuesday, February 28, 2012

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Jenny Brittany Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket smiller MomAnon Sig Kerri

The New Place

You are all prepared to move! You have researched all the appropriate things like the best locations for the schools you want and what neighborhood you can afford. You choose the best house/condo/apartment for your budget. You have made all the arrangements for the utilities and trash pick-up. Everything might not be running smoothly, but the check list is being checked off.

It has now been a couple of months in your new place. Things are running smoothly. There are just some strange issues you have noticed, though. Things that now bother you about the choice of the new place that you did not notice before you moved in. It happens to everyone.

It has happened to me. Those strange little idiosyncrasies that nip at your nerves when you are walking around your home have certainly popped up in my new place.

One thing I noticed is the floor squeaking, only in certain places. It squeaks right around the front door. Anytime I want to get the dog leash or put on my jacket, the floor squeaks. It squeaks with each step. Oh so annoying!

The floor upstairs squeaks too, right in front of both my bedroom and the second floor’s only bathroom. During the night I sometimes worry that I might wake up my sleeping son, so I hop and lunge myself across the area so the floor doesn’t give my nocturnal movements away. It is oh so annoying!

Then, what IS that sound coming from the chimney? It took me awhile to figure out that it was the wind that was whistling down it. Well, at least I now know what is going on with the weather outside since I don’t have a window out the front of the duplex- another annoying thing.

Other than these minor inconveniences, my new place is a "home in the making". I will hang my pictures and throw about some colorful pillows. I will hop around the squeaks and listen to my own special lullaby when falling asleep. And I will call it mine.

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Monday, February 27, 2012

Reflections on Being an "Older" Mom

At the beginning of the month, I celebrated my birthday. It was a big one. I turned 40. I started a new decade! And it got me to thinking about being an “older” mom. I have friends from high school whose children are graduating from high school now, and my youngest hasn’t even started kindergarten!

So I decided to ask some of the moms in the Club 35 group on TriangleMommies for their thoughts on becoming parents at an older age. Everyone in the group has had a child after they turned 35. Most of the women quoted here are in their 40s now.

1. I had time to get to know myself before having kids

“There is always going to be give and take with children and there are days when I don't have the energy to deal with nitpick fights at 7pm and days when I think, ‘Really? 36 & 41 were good ages to give birth?’ But then I remember my life at 25, 30 & 35 and say, ‘Yes, for me it was a perfect age.’ And I'm proud to be an older, wiser, confident, imperfect Mom.”

“I may not quite have the energy that some younger moms have, but I was able to spend a lot of time by myself in my 20's, including living alone, taking vacations by myself, etc. Oh, and therapy - I feel that I'm so much happier with myself now than I would be if I had gotten married years before I did.”

“I never feel like I'm missing out on anything. I sowed every wild oat that needed to be sewn, so when my family was created I was a whole person without any holes.”

“I am very glad for the years that I had on my own. I probably did not appreciate it fully, but it was very good for me, and it, for sure, influences the things that I want my daughter to think about as she grows up.”

“I had a chance to live in a city, have a great career, go out all the time, party, travel, date. I got to do it, enjoy that lifestyle, and I have no regrets. It couldn't have happened the other way around (this lifestyle after I had kids).”

“I have a special needs child with a very rare condition. If I had been given this challenge when I was in my 20's or early 30's I don't think I could've handled it. I wasn't strong, mature, or focused enough to deal with much more than the next party, guy, or trip.”

2. I was able to work on my marriage before kids

“I feel that getting married later was a benefit as well. I made a number of mistakes in earlier relationships and learned from them. I think this has made my marriage much better than if I'd gotten married younger.”

“We had some stuff to work on and if we'd had kids when married, I doubt we'd still be together. We got some big drama out of the way prior to kids and I feel like it had made us better partners.”

“This was my second marriage, as I think it was for a lot of older moms, and I'm also very grateful to have had kids with a supportive partner. I work with a couple of women my age who had their kids younger and wound up single parenting, and I think that if I hadn't held out for the right partner then I'd be there too.”

3. I was able to get settled in work before having kids

“I also would not have the awesome work arrangement I have now...I work from home 4 hours a day and have a wonderful sitter that plays with my daughter and puts her down for a nap while I work. If I had her younger, I would likely have had to put her in daycare full-time while I worked full-time at an office.”

“I was also able to work my way up through entry-level jobs to a point where I was comfortable in my career before having kids. As a working mom, this was important to me as well. Once I had kids, I was able to just sit back and stay at the same level in my career but it's high enough that I'm comfortable with it. I don't have to push myself to advance more right now, which is nice.”

4. I have to juggle young kids and aging parents

“As older parents, our parents were obviously older and both of my parents have passed away. My youngest doesn't even remember my mom and that kills me....My in-laws are in their late 70's and I make a point to bring my girls to visit them as much as possible even though they live in NJ. I want them to have memories of at least one set of grandparents.”

“One of the hard parts of being an older parent (at least for some of us) is dealing with our own parents aging at the same time that we are trying to raise young kids. … And I hate knowing that if my kids are also older when they have their children, then that same issue will be even worse for me. Odds are not in my favor to be around to see my future grandchildren marry, etc. if my children also have their children later in life.”

“It impacts your children's lives, but also your own because you don't have a support system. It really added to the ‘never get a break ever’ feeling when our kids were infants and young toddlers.”

“Before my parents passed, I spent years caring for both of them while I was pregnant, caring for a toddler and then a newborn/baby. It was by far the hardest time of my life. I would do it over again in a heartbeat, but it is something that I never want to have my kids worry about. It really made DH and I evaluate our long-term care decisions.”

“My daughter grew up knowing her grandparents, but as an older parent, my son will not have the same luck. Both of my husband's parents have passed and my father is 74 years old, so I don't know if he will see my son graduate high school, etc. I am sad about that. My dad lives in FL and I try to go down a couple times a year and I tell my son about Papa and want him to have memories when he gets older.”

5. I’m more likely to experience infertility and pregnancy issues

“Something that hasn't yet been mentioned is BECOMING a mother at an older age. It is stressful due to the reality of time pressures from trying to become pregnant while reaching the end of fertility, plus the increasing chances of chromosome disorders in the baby. It puts a feeling of ‘hurry, hurry’ or worry and danger on becoming a mother at an older age. It's a stress I would not have experienced if I'd had children earlier, that makes the final success of becoming a mother even sweeter.”

“I had my son at 27 and just took it for granted that I would be able to space my kids out, so the fertility can creep up on you, even young. We tried again right before I turned 30 with no success. I was 34 when we brought our first daughter home and 35 when we brought our second daughter home. I do remember naively thinking when we got married at 26 that we'd be done having kids at 32. Haha!”

“I got pregnant the first time when I was 35 and at 20 weeks found out that the baby had Down's (via amnio). It wasn't genetic or due to ‘advanced maternal age’ - it was a very rare case that only happens to less than 1% of Down's pregnancies. The next 2 times we tried, I lost them both at 7 weeks. However, I was finally able to hold onto one and now we have a wonderful little boy. We have decided to stop at 1 child - partly b/c of the money for daycare and partly because we just don't have the energy to go through the infant stage again. However, one of the biggest parts for me is being scared to go through what I went through during the first pregnancy. I'm 41 now and the chances of having another Down's pregnancy is pretty high. The emotional and physical experience of the termination was one of the most horrifying experiences I've ever been through and I just don't think I could bring myself to go through it again. I see my friends having babies again and I get wistful about having another, but then I just go home and hug my little guy and think about how much more time and love I have for him.”

6. I worry about what others think me

“I really worry about people thinking I am my children's grandmother and my kids being teased to that affect. It bothers me so much that I will probably get some sort of facial treatment to help slow down the affects of aging.”

“And of course, it can be a little hard to connect to younger moms who remember watching Barney as kids -- while you remember watching Captain Kangaroo. So, at least for me, it adds up to a feeling of being alone in your parenting journey ... you have great strengths, you know yourself, you can stand up to public opinion so you certainly are capable of charting your own course ... but you are doing it on your own.”

And finally, the perspective of someone who was a young mom and an older mom ...

“I had my daughter when I was 19, she is now 18 years old. Then I had my son when I was 36 and will still be 38 when #3 arrives. Things with my son are so different than they were with my daughter, 18 years ago.

As far as lifestyle, back then I got pregnant while I was in college and never finished and I still regret it to this day. I worked a minimum wage job and got married just because I was preggo. When my daughter came, she changed my life forever. As I got older, I felt like I missed out on life and the party-time. I never did anything outrageous, but after I was divorced and he had our daughter every other weekend, I used that time to sow my wild oats.

Now, I've had time to be out in the world and experience life and gain knowledge and experience. I no longer work at a minimum wage job and have a decent career. I did have a lot more energy and patience back in the day, but now, I am happy to spend the evening at home and not go out.”

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(Editor's Note: Club 35 is a private forum at TriangleMommies and, normally, what is said in that group is not be discussed outside of the group. In this case, the author obtained express permission from each member to submit their comments to TM's public blog. I would like to extend a big thank you to these moms for being so open and honest in their perspectives- I know our readers will appreciate the insight.)
Thursday, February 23, 2012

Looking for Something to do this Weekend?

Lots of great things are going on in the Triangle this weekend, and Odile Fredericks of Carolina Parent Magazine has made it easy for you to see what’s happening! Check out her blog filled with tons of great information!

Sneak Preview
This weekend offers family fun for a variety of tastes, from theater buffs to nature nuts. You'll find live performances based on popular kids books as well as nature and science programs for children.

Thinking of selling your children's clothes and toys by consignment? Attend a free how-to workshop. Kids ages 8-13 can head to a free workshop to learn how to be safe around dogs. And children ages 6 and up and their parents who enjoy the outdoors are invited to join with staff at a nature center to maintain trails...



Jenny
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